1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
