really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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