Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
