You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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