I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
