Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
