I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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