By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
