Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
