Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
