Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
