I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
