I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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