Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
