he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
