I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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