I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
