How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
