Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
