he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
