I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
