he was CRYING into my vagina
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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