Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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