new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
