but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
