Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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