It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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