i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
