Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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