Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
