I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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