Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
