So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
