Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
