My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
