Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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