By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
