you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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