I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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