I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this will be a night to untag.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
