her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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