The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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