left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize