alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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