no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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