umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am available for nakedness
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
