mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
