i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
