You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
