I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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