everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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