Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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