its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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