I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize