i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
