I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
