You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
