he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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