kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
