i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
