I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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