I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
