i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
