On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
