if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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