And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
