his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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