In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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