I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize