3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize