Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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