So drunk its hurt
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
