craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i now understand why vodka
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
