guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
